Sunday, May 24, 2009

Dearest Grandma

It was about twenty or twenty one years ago; can't be sure which since it's been such a long time ago. I was watching a program on the antique television that we had then, you know, those black and white televisions which are housed in a cabinet complete with sliding doors. Suddenly, the screen became grainy (Well, the set was quite old and it was already breaking down by then). What happened next was beyond my comprehension. Up till now, I'm not sure what prompted me to do what I did back then. I started tinkering with the TV set, trying to make those irritating grains disappear. Soon, I was drawn to the cable of the television. My eyes chanced upon a section which is bandaged by cellophane tape. Without a second thought, my finger reached out and prodded it. Immediately, the world around me shook. I was electrocuted and I couldn't do anything. Couldn't shout. Couldn't withdraw my hand. I probably had seconds to live.

When I regained my senses, Grandma was crouched over me holding my hands in hers to inspect if I was injured. Grandma had saved my life. I escaped with just a little hole in my finger. I cried back then, from the shock of the encounter. Today, my tears flowed for the woman who had not only saved my life, but also shaped it for the past seventeen years.

Growing up with Grandma around was really an enriching experience. It was a mixture of both cries of pain and laughters of joy. At times I had to escape the cane that Grandma wielded but more often, I would be looking forward to the evening walks together with Grandma and the toddler that Mum was taking care of at that time. These walks, were especially special because they were more like mini adventures to me. As you can see, I grew up in a 'new village' and there were really a lot of intriguing corners to explore, from the 20 - 30m ancient trees to the fruit-bearing rambutan or mango trees. I would peer into the fish ponds, admiring the little self-sustaining ecology illuminated by the rays of sunlight that filtered through while my Grandma sat at a bench under the tree chatting with her friend.

Closer at home, Grandma reared ducks and chickens in the backyard. I remember I was so excited when Grandma brought back a clutch of chicks from the market one day. They were colored in bright assorted colors: green, purple, pink and etc. Later, when they had grown too big to be kept in the house, Grandma had taught me the proper way of holding them so that I didn't get scratch, before we transferred them to the backyard. The backyard was another of our playground; my cousins and I. One of our most ambitious project back then was to build a pond for the ducks. Recalling what we had learned from Alam dan Manusia, we proceeded to dig a hole in the ground. Not large, but well, those ducks could relax in their little bathtub when the day was too hot so we thought. Next, the ingenious key that would make Albert Einstein stare at us in awe and turn our little hole into a sparkling little pond like those you read in fairy tales, the modeling clay! We bought 3 boxes of those cheap modeling clay and placed them all around the bottom of our little hole. Then we poured water in and voila, the "pond" was created without the water seeping into the underground! Too bad, it didn't last long. Five minutes later, our little hole dried up.

As I grew into a teenager, I started to bury my nose into books. That was when I grew distant from Grandma, like most teenagers. Despite that, I knew Grandma kept me close to her heart. I remember one day, just after I woke up, my Grandma held me by the arm and drew me next to her and then said to my Mum, "Look, Ker Wei has outgrown me!" In her eyes, I could see pride at its purest.

When I hit late teens, I would argue a lot with Grandma and Mum because they kept nagging at me. I would come back in the wee hours of the night most of the time whenever I went to hang out with my friends. Twice I was locked out. The first time, I managed to unlatch the lock and slip inside with an umbrella which was left outside. The second time, no such luck. Grandma made sure that the windows were closed properly that night and thus, I whiled the night away on a deck chair staring up at the stars till Mum opened the door the next morning.

Despite all the conflicts and harsh exchanges that we had during the last few years of my teens, I was still among Grandma's favorites. She was so reluctant to let me leave for Singapore when I was twenty. This would probably be the sole reason I feel bad about my decision; to deny my Grandma the chance to live out her final years with the person she cared for and loved.

With each passing year, Grandma became weaker. It was only during my vacation in my senior undergraduate years that I realized how much Grandma had shrunk from who she was before. She was still healthy but age was really catching up. By then, she was spending most of the time at home; all of her friends, including my great-aunt whom she was very close to, had passed on. During those vacations, especially the past two years, I would try to stay at home as much as I could. Time with family was becoming really precious, in particular with the older folks. It was really heartwarming being in the living room, chatting and watching television with Grandma. She would tell me about her life experiences which sometimes made me a bit lost since I didn't know any of the people she told me about. But still, it was worthed every single moment and I'm glad I didn't foolishly trade those away for something else.

A month ago, Grandma finally left us. If there's one thing I could wish for back then, it would be to be by her side during her final moments. Unfortunately, life seldom unfolds the manner you would wish it to and hence, I was robbed of the very last words. A consequence of my decision made five years ago? Perhaps.

"I can only pray that you're at a better place now. Thank you so much for being there for me all these while. I love you, Grandma."

An article dedicated to my Grandma, who departed peacefully in her sleep on 29 April 2009. This is to your devotion and sacrifices in sheltering the family your entire life.

Friday, March 13, 2009

MOSAIC

Just finished our ritual dinner at Marina Square on Friday when we stumbled upon a band performance in Esplanade. The moment we stepped off the escalator, a string of harmonious melody filled our ears. Seduced by the enchanting piece that was being sung, we stood there, hoping to hear more. Unfortunately there was only one more to go before the show ended.

And so the performance ended. A girl came up to us and requested us to fill in some survey forms.

The title (or part of): MOSAIC

"What is MOSAIC anyway?"I blurted the question.

The girl seemed to be taken aback. She paused.

"The performance you've just watched. That's one of the many events in MOSAIC," came the reply as she gestured her hand towards the big banners hanging on the pillars around the stage area.

Banners of all kinds and sizes were being displayed all around the hall. Draped around the main pillars, pasted onto signboards, erected along the sides of the hall and even production crews with MOSAIC t-shirts on them all about!

Oops.


Well, it was a rather long survey but that was how we found out about MC HotDog; due to perform in the outdoor arena later that evening. Despite not quite knowing what to expect, we headed there after meeting up with Ming.

Lo, behold, MOSAIC presents to you, MC HotDog! (in the video embedded below)




This guy, has got style. I really liked his spectacles, and that wicked goatee. Didn't matter that I could only understand a word out of every ten that he spatted out, it was still a very entertaining evening.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My Jung Typology Test

Did a personality test today at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp .
Pasted below are three different interpretations of the result. It's kinda long but do take a look if this sort of personality test intrigues you.

Your Type is


INFJ


IntrovertedIntuitiveFeelingJudging
Strength of the preferences %
67881244

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
by Joe Butt Profile: INFJ
Revision: 3.01
Date of Revision: 6 Mar 2005

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Functional Analysis:

Introverted iNtuition

Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking

The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing

INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it's not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.



Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging

by Marina Margaret Heiss

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

Copyright © 1996-2007 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe But



Idealist Portrait of the Counselor (INFJ)

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

Mohandas Gandhi, Sidney Poitier, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jane Goodall, Emily Bronte, Sir Alec Guiness, Carl Jung, Mary Baker Eddy, Queen Noor are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).

Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Weekend That Was ........ Again ^_^

It's East Coast Park again this weekend! Everybody was really high-spirited despite the darkening weather early in the morning. You just have to look at Ah Bee's bag to see how eager he was. By the way, there were 12 people this weekend. One less than the group last week. Please take note, Ah Bee and Lit Ting! =P

Had a long walk to the rental stores in ECP though. Bus driver uncle was too keen to get rid of us from his bus. I suspect the culprit could be Ah Bee . . . . . . . 's bag. Waste of petrol and space on the bus. And also delaying the journey of other passengers. But since we're his friends, we didn't mind having to walk the extra distance for his bag, yup.

So, finally I got the chance to try rollerblading properly. Fell down all over the place. Left, right, forwards, backwards. Anyway, I guess novice rollerbladers should be shielded from distractions as much as possible. Stability is extremely sensitive to glances, especially those thrown with a warm smile. =P

Well, well. Distractions aside, objective had been met i guess, today. At least I moved. Style is not important man. Never mind that little kids on tricycles had to hurry me from behind with their little ringing bells. The essence was the function. And that's being mobile on shoes with wheels.

Went cycling as well later. It was kinda gloomy though. Sky was dark and weather was chilly. Nevertheless, it was still good! Guess it's the sea. It makes you feel as if you're gliding weightlessly across an endless expanse of turquoise cream and sky blue floss. Life's like a dream again!

Okay, the only problem of the day was dinner. After countless rounds of debates, we finally settled for Xin Wang Xiang Gang Cha Chan Ting.


The food wasn't that good, but well, it didn't matter. Empty stomachs needed to be filled. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, since everybody was so jovial. (Applicable to the 2 CCC only, agree?) Not sure who was happier though, you guys judge for yourselves from the following pictures!


OR



Probably the slim version CCC was happier. "Upsize" version tried to choke himself to death by stuffing himself with food, since he had to sit at the opposite end next to me. =(


Overall, it was yet another great day and nice knowing you guys, Agatha and Ying Xian!


*Note* Pictures taken earlier on will be uploaded when I've gotten them from Chak Hon and Han Yoong

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Rain in Colors

Caught this in Buona Vista slightly after 7pm just now, on my way back from work.



Ultra-big, ultra brilliant! This should be the brightest rainbow I've seen in my entire life so far. It makes you feel like running into it and get showered by its luminous colors. Life's like a dream.

If you look carefully, there's actually another rainbow located slightly above it.
Yup, it was a double arc! The smaller, fainter one has its colors in reverse order.

This really made my day! =)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The Weekend That Was

Nice weekend! Spent Friday night after work grumbling and bitching about life and work to Luke and Michelle; as per our weekly ritual. Which is when Michelle decided to organize an outing the next day to keep my mouth shut. And hence, ECP it was to be.

Okay, here’s a side story which is essential. Michelle sent out many smses of invitation. And one of them was directed to Ah Bee, asking him to jio the Happy Family along.

5 minutes passed. Ah Bee hasn’t replied.

10 minutes passed. Still no reply.

15 minutes. Nothing

At this point, Michelle was distraught since many of them didn’t reply. (sorry Michelle, I need this to rub somebody’s wound with salt) Particularly Ah Bee, since they’re working in the same company. So, Bee, you should feel guilty when you read this. Well, if you’re feeling remorseful, you should include me in your plan this coming week!! =P

Saturday. ECP almost didn’t happen. All because Kap Lam wanted to go for a karaoke session to sing Unchained Melody. Alright, to be fair, the weather constituted one half of the factor as well. It was pouring cats and dogs.



Good thing though, weather over at ECP was great. And I finally got to cycle after an 8-year break. The days cycling around the streets of Penang were good but ECP was not bad either.

That was the first time I tried rollerblading too. “A pair of shoes that move on its own accord,” as I put it in a conversation between Jien Ann and I.



After ECP was the feasting blitz. The chow of mutton tendon was indeed appetizing. Not to mention extremely nutritious for the bones; which was crucial after all those falls on the rollerblades. Up next, dessert at Gei Dak Seik.

"Where’s Gei Dak Seik?" Kok Heng asked.

"Ji De Chi," I replied.



Well, Gei Dak Seik was full though and so we went to Ah Chau Tim Ban instead. No regrets coming to find Ah Chau as the mango sago dessert capped off a fine day. In fact Kok Heng grew so attached to Ah Chau after she taught him how to eat the dessert properly.

Sunday. A rather peaceful day at the Happy Family’s. Not much luck with trying to fish from Ah Lian’s ipod in their living room though. Highlight of the day was dinner! Featuring the all-new CCC tom yam! Not bad for a first time I’d say. Ah Bee disputed that the taste was no different than the tom yam created by just using his premium tom yam paste plus lemongrass leaves though. There should be a round 2 in this tom yam bout, no doubt.